Great night turns Nightmare

If everything goes with plan, it should be a happy day without hesitating anything.

No worry at all.

No one can expect the great night turned into a nightmare for me.

Worst Nightmare ever.

I had never been slap without reason by someone before, NO even my parents or my partner.

To prepare the stupid Birthday celebration party, I travel here and there like crazy.

Even Yueteng asked me whether I am a bit over that may make other people felt jealousy.

We went to Gurney to look for a proper present and We planned to purchase something you may like and need so.

Sadly, it is too costly and we can not afford to buy one. Finally just decide to just have a party for celebration enough.

After planning, after birthday cake order, after seat reservation, after every necessary thing was well prepared,  no one knows this is the start of the nightmare.

I am very sure I am not the one who will be drunk in the end of the party, and I am the one who need to take responsibility to take care of everyone. To make sure no one create any problem, no one fainted, no one like this no one like that but DO ANYONE UNDERSTAND MY SITUATION???? All you know is only 

Drink Drink Drank Drank and Drunk!!! 

"Order, One more Bucket!" 

"Not enough, One more Bucket, I pay!"

Of course, Its crazy, and everyone enjoy about it. This is the only thing that I am regret for.

I should not waste such time to do such thing and act like a FOOL!

While people happy, enjoy drink, drank, drunk. 

They started to lose control, and started to become frustrated and VIOLENCE. 

And that was GREAT and AWESOME! 

Ah Cia brother's Car Windshield Glasses broken with just two little punches. 

Who caused that? 

The Birthday Boy 

Who to blame? 

Only him? 

Can we just act like non of our business and  ask him to compensate every single money? 

Can he really afford the money? 

What can I do?

How am I going to face Ah Cia in the future?

Did I made a wrong choice?

I don't know.

What I know is, to prepare this stupid celebration,
I spent time on traveling place to place, Birthday present choosing, birthday card designing, calling for booking, birthday cake order.

In the end, I am the one who get BEAT and SLAP without a proper reason!

Great! 

In the end, I am the one who spent all the time and energy yet just to fail my EXAM!!

IS IT YOUR FAULT?

WHO SHOULD I BLAME?

CAN I KILL SOMEONE TO RELEASE MY TENSION?
OR 

CAN I LOOK FOR SOMEONE TO THROW ON MY TEMPER?

What Can I Do?

Just to overcome such nightmare?

I am tired.

Of everything.

Keep Quiet....

I should just Keep Quiet When NO one ask me to speak or voice out my opinion..

No one is going to care about what had you say.

People will only think that you are Noisy and blasting nonsense..

So SHUT UP! 

Just that, its another night, with tears, alone.

Seems like it is true, I will only share out and shout out what ever negative feelings in my blogs. Poor little Bloggy~

Sigh, after one week short semester break, its time for me to start my study again. (Although I don’t have extra time on doing other things than assignment during the semester break.)

What happened? I don’t think it is possible to spread out what I think here due to the privacy. Who knows? Maybe the one I am talking or criticizing is the one who reading my blog, which is YOU!

I don’t know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. To own an ability to knows and investigate more. Sometimes when we know something other people do not know, as human nature, people will felt happy and excited. But, the only problem is that, when you realize you CANNOT share out the things that you know, its like kind of a TORTURE.OMG~ @.@

It is time to restrain myself on being too busybody. We do not need treat everyone GOOD since not everyone deserve to have it. Some people don’t really appreciate it and will only step a foot on your Kindness. How silly you are to waste your time and energy on someone who is not appreciating your Kindness. I wonder why am I being so busybody and more panic when that particular person does not feel anything at all.

It is sad to say that, I just can not control myself for being so busybody. Haha.

Maybe it is true to say that, I am the only one who does not own any qualification to Fall in love to someone. People will only despise on you, laughing at your ignorantly thinking. Kinds of Immature, who will truly 100%, accept someone who is ABNORMAL as me. I am too innocent and my thinking is too childish. No one, will ever understand me; No one, will ever accept me; No one, will ever be here when I need so: and No one, will ever place their true heart on me. 

As expected, I should not trust anyone. I wonder where is the old version Pang Xin Jie, who is over-defending himself. I wish I could change back to that version, but too bad, once updated, it is kind of an impossible to change back without 200% willpower.

Just make sure don’t stress everything so much~ Just make everything easy~

Just that I am lying.

And Just that,

its another night,

with tears, alone.

不是我不爱了 而是 我失去了一个东西 叫做"勇气"

我没有过很浪漫的爱情故事，而且，心里的空房，已经很久都没有租客了。

我想，暂时都不会有人想要进来吧？

很多人都想像童话故事里面的公主和王子般幸福快乐的生活着。

童话故事里，幸福美满的生活，其实是存在的，只不过很不巧的，没有发生在我身上。

幸福的背后，或许有着暗地偷偷喜欢着公主或王子的人，常常幻想着可以跟他/她在一起，幸福的生活。

爱幻想，未必是件坏事，但是，往往幻想只是一个让梦想破灭的时候，增加痛楚的过程。

或许我就是这么一个小人物，偷偷的喜欢，明知道没结果，还要去幻想。

非得要到真的跌倒了，才会流泪，才会心伤。

的确，有人说，“只要他/她高兴，我都可以。” 

说得出这一句话的人，的确，你很伟大，但是太失败了。

连自己的幸福都可以白白送给人家，我只能说，你很傻。

或许会有人不认同但是，我不需要你来认同我。

爱一个人，是不是只要他/她高兴就好？

我只能说，傻瓜，如果他/她不爱你，就算你做得再好，他/她都不会高兴。

有时候，我也曾幻想，做一个恶魔，破坏所有，不顾一切，只为得到他/她。

但是，当我看到他/她伤心流泪的那一刻，我的心，好酸。

当下我只想抱着他/她，好好的安慰他/她。

此时此刻，我的心，已经累了。

我不再渴望爱情，不再渴望得到你的一切，不再渴望有那么一个真心的人,来好好对我。

因为明知道没结果，我才会要悬崖勒马，及时把自己救出来；

因为明知道没结果，我才会开始离你一段距离；

因为明知道没结果，我才会决定把那份感情收起来，直到，童话故事的结尾。

我不知道，何时我又会喜欢上其他人，但是我相信，短时间内是不会的了。

不是我不爱了，而是，

我失去了一个东西，

叫做"勇气"

是我笨，我的错

我不会讨厌你，

不管你给我多少句对不起我会讨厌自己，是因为你当初要我在你身边的时候..
你说你不会让我伤心...我却相信，

我却一直期待...

Its My birthday~woohoo~~

我的生日哦～本来是打算做一个聚会，但是还是取消了。今天本来打算一个人去走走就算了的～没想到，身边一堆古灵精怪的家伙，竟然暗地里策划着我的生日惊喜～



Gurney吃sushi king~然后secret Recipe 吃蛋糕～【Chocolate Cheese Cake】..然后去Komtar walk在FRESH里面喝水和听Alston & Gin 唱歌～mana tau~突然间GG特地开门，然后外面的两个家伙就开始唱生日歌，Fresh的安蒂就一直端食物出来，然后蛋糕出来了，然后看到庆和alex从不远处走来，被人围着唱生日歌祝福着，看着眼前的蛋糕，我真的没想到会是这样的一个生日会。

其实我知道他们暗地里在计划着什么的了，只是一直猜不透。我忍着眼泪，开心的许了愿，吹了蜡烛，然后他们开始拿红鸡蛋敲我的头！！讨厌～～ >_< 呵呵

然后开始收到很多的信息，电话。老实说吧，除了去年姐姐他们的庆祝，今年真的是第一年，有朋友会为了我的生日费心，奔波，还生病。真的，当下我就坐在外面哭了。原来这个就是有朋友帮忙庆祝生日的滋味，真的，很棒。

昨天哥哥去queensbay找我，买了一只Angry Bird给我～呵呵～我的第一份生日礼物～谢谢你～^^❤

Fresh的聚会结束后，我们上山去吃蛋糕，绕了很久，才定下来，在Rasa Sayang的海边吃蛋糕，小坤坤累了，也觉得不舒服（环境）～所以就送他回去了回去了～

我们的Third Round去了Zenzibar 喝酒～打牌，还玩了算命，呵呵～这次是第二次一起去喝酒咯～呵呵～




我的生日愿望都很简单，每一年都是一样的三个愿望。
第一个第二个是什么就不能说了～第三个嘛，希望每年都有朋友和家人帮我庆生。




最后嘛～谢谢 GG,庆，坤，Alex,Alvis,Alston,Gin,Fresh的 Autie & uncle~
祝我自己生日快乐哦～

又....想家....了

今天是sem break的第七天，回来槟城的第三天。昨晚竟然睡到一半，坐起来哭。


又开始想家了。陪了爸爸妈妈和妹妹三四天，就回来槟城继续做功课了。不知道是就没有看到他们，发现，爸爸的白头发好像多了，妈妈好像瘦了，妹妹好像长大了，比较懂事了。自从弟弟上去吉隆坡读书，爸爸换工在各地工作，家里好像冷清好多。只剩下妈妈和幼小的妹妹。


一个晚上，我想了好多，好多。我开始有点后悔跑到槟城这么遥远的地方读书，我还不时责怪地方离家乡远，回不到家。地方，学院，科系是我选的，爸爸妈妈一直以来都很支持我做的一切。读书，做生意，穿着，打扮，甚至染头发。的确，比起从前那个我，我是真的长大了，明白作为家里的老大，应有的责任。


一个晚上，我在想，我常常抱怨自己是一个人，很寂寞，很不开心，但是今晚，我想通了一点，我在这里有室友，同学，妈妈在家里，只有妹妹和一些朋友，要不是有一个Iphone和PSP作伴，妈妈就真的是一个人了。妹妹不懂事，常常要妈妈操心，现在弟弟不在家，没有人帮忙顾家，我想到这点，我就很不放心。虽然家里经济还算过得去，但是其实爸爸做工也很不容易，爸爸也不是年轻了，常常东奔西跑，身子也不如从前。常常听说爸爸有病痛，要抽血，验血，吃药。我听了都很不是滋味。
一个晚上，我在想，什么时候我才可以出来赚钱，好让爸爸妈妈轻松，真的恨不得，现在就马上去工作，爸爸就不需要那么幸苦。


很多人都不知道，想家，是怎样的一个滋味。只有真的离乡背井，在外工作和读书求学的，才会真正明白我现在的心情。


我也很希望常常回家，我也很希望常常可以吃妈妈煮的饭，陪妈妈去吃牛肉面，喝酒，聊天说地，可是，我不能。
我真的觉得自己好不孝。

我真的..............


好想家，好想爸妈。

讓自己清醒的19句話...是时候清醒了吗？

1、如果發簡訊給一個人，他一直不回，不要再發了。沒有這麼卑微的等待。

2、如果沒有人陪，學著一個人聽音樂看書寫點心情日記。這是個好習慣。

3、如果一個人很難過，找個角落或者在被子裏哭一下，不需要別人同情可憐，哭過之後一樣開心生活。

4、如果一個人開始怠慢你，請你離開他。不懂珍惜你的人不要為之不舍，更不必繼續付出你的友情或愛情，到頭來受傷的是自己，他人不會為之難過。

5、如果可以不抽煙，別抽。如果可以不喝酒，別喝。這是不愛惜自己身體的表現，如果只因一些人，那麼我們別傻了，愛你的人不會讓你難過的。

6、傷心的時候找個信任的朋友訴說一下，不要一個人默默承受，這只會會更添寂寞感與憂傷。

7、不開心的時候白天看看藍天晚上看看夜色，廣闊的天空自有屬於我們愛，寧可高傲的發黴不要低調的戀愛。跟自己說我是最好的，保持一份自信。

8、寧缺毋濫。不要因為寂寞隨手抓一個戀人，這對兩人都不公平，而且太缺乏責任感。找個知己不要是戀人。

9、記住你喜歡的人的生日，包括你的家人，當然，還有自己。生日沒有人送禮物也無所謂，你可以買精美的禮物，送給媽媽和爸爸。

10、閑下來的時候，放一段柔情音樂，翻閱幾頁好書，然後睡個懶覺，快哉。心情不好的時候，也可以睡一覺。

11、從現在開始，聰明一點，不要問別人想不想你？愛不愛你？若是要想你或者愛你自然會對你說，但是從你的嘴裏說出來，別人會很驕傲和不在乎你。

12、不要太在意一些人太在乎一些事，順其自然以最佳心態面對。因為這世界就是這麼不公平往往在最在乎的事物面前我們最沒有價值。

13、不要為了任何人任何事折磨自己。比如不吃飯、哭泣、自閉、抑鬱，這些都是傻瓜才做的事。當然，偶爾傻一下有必要，人生不必時時聰明。

14、任何情況下，背後不說他人是非。如果你一定要說，說好話。多個朋友是好事，即使不是很要好的，總比因為自己說話不慎重不思考而多一個敵人好得多。

15、允許偶爾看肥皂劇，但不可成為依賴。允許偶爾披頭散髮，但要注重場合。允許偶爾罵髒話，但只限在老友面前或者獨自一人時，說過後記得要忘掉那些讓你難過的事。

16、一定要有幾個異性朋友，沒有非分之想，就是關鍵時候，能幫你出出主意的好友。

17、學會承受痛苦自己調整心態。有些話，適合爛在心裏，有些痛苦，適合無聲無息的忘記。當經歷過，你成長了，自己知道就好。很多改變，不需要你自己說，別人會看得到。

18、能不和人爭吵儘量避免。一個發怒的人是很恐怖的，會因控制不了情緒變成瘋子。忍耐然後思索問題的根源最後平靜心態解決它。

19、不管和誰有了矛盾和彆扭，解決的時間不要超過24小時。否則麻煩會更多。在可以接受的範圍內，先道歉。有時候做壞人不是件真的壞事。

最爱偷偷流泪的星座 - 双子

★第一名：双子座→代表论点：其实，外表坚强，聪明伶俐的双子们

、内心都是及其脆弱的。只是不想让别人触碰内心那不为人知的伤。

很多时候，她们会选择一个没人的地方，默默的流泪，只是不想让别

人担心。看似风般自由的双子座总是嘻嘻哈哈的样子，实际上在他们

多变的外表下的内心有着双重复杂的个性，兼备光明开朗和阴暗低潮

的一面，略带神经质的开心果 双子座既能将放开一切大起大落，又能敏锐地捕捉到最细微的悲伤情

感并将其视为最不能承受的事。偷偷流泪这种事，开朗活泼无顾忌那

一面的双子座几乎不会出现 这种情况，只有当双子座阴暗的另一面被展现出来时才会发生，而阴

暗面的双子座是面对内心较多的，因而只会悄然出现，这也表示双子

座只会“偷偷”流泪。

Men Using Make Up?

P/S: THIS ARTICLE IS ONLY MY OWN OPINION AND I AIN'T MENTIONING ANYONE..IF YOU ARE HAPPY YOU STAY, IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY, YOU LEAVE..THANKS

Recently I just realize that, nowadays a lot of guys are like put on make up before they go out.(Certainly, I am talking about those guys who put on make up for shopping or even go to school) It is a normal and usual action to do for almost every of them but do a GUY really need make up?

Light make up such as foundation or BB cream is enough for that or you can use eyeliner for that too. But what can I see today is that, a lot of GIRLS like to act like a boy (In the end they are She male), and BOYS are acting like girl. I saw more or less 10 BOYS with freaking heavy make up and THEY are sickening. I admit that, make up do make one’s look more confidence, energetic and not so tired but OVER make up will only make one’s look repulsive.

(Did you know that, Parabens, the most widely used synthetic and preservative in cosmetics, are linked to failure of the endocrine system, an essential part of our body’s hormonal operations, and this is why nowadays guys acting like a girl. - Katherine Beck, Red And Black Archives )

I can not stand if a girl needs to spend about 1 hour to put on her make up before she goes out and the worst thing is that nowadays, boy also need 1 hour+ to make themselves fully make up. Tak boleh tahan. Besides that, I just knew a new guy (not consider as friends honestly), and what I think impressive is that, he spent one and a half hour to do skin care every morning he wake up and every night before he sleep.

I do care my image but honestly, I only use simple facial wash and tonner and sometime (I mean, most of the time), I don’t even use them. How is one day all the cosmetic stuff disappear suddenly, will all of those people walk out from their room?

On October 18, 2000, Anita Roddick, the founder and co-chairman of Body Shop, confessed to the Cheltenham Literature Festival, that many cosmetics are useless. She said that moisturisers work but all other lotions are pap. She stated that, "There is nothing on God's planet, not one thing that will take away 30 years of arguing with your husband and 40 years of environmental abuse. Anything that says it can magically take away your wrinkles is a scandalous lie." - Dr Stephen and Gina Antczak, Cosmetics Unmasked

Try to think about it, image is important but confidence is source from our behaviour and thinking. A proper thinking and appropriate behaviour is the best Cosmetic for all of us. Don’t you think so?

(Please Don't use make up IF you are NOT Adam Lambert...XD...Joke Joke～)

I Do...I Tried...I Failed...

When the internship starts, I do stress due to the fact I am a slow learner and my English is poor with my poor communicating skills and writting skills.

But all of this doesn't make me down.

I do take this internship very seriously

and

I do put in a lot of effort in it but I still made mistake and because of my misbehaviour,

I got complaint from Doreen, Nathan, Vivienne and even clients.

I do need to apologize to Liz because I caused her to get scolded by Irene.

I cried

Not because of I get complaint and scolded

I cried because of I don't know what to do

I think this is the first cry for me in my internship.

I do stress out and now I lost my way.

I don't know how long can I stay in this company.

I should be more and more serious.

I do try to improve myself but it seems useless.

I still work even I am sick.

I don't want to give any excuses on what had I done

but

I do need a chance to prove myself.

没有人会值得你流泪 值得的那位不会让你哭

我不是碰不到更好的，

而是因为已经有了你，我不想再碰到更好的！

我不是不会对别人动心，

而 是因为已经有了你，我就觉得没必要再对其他人动心！

我不是不会爱上别的人，

而是我更加懂得珍惜你，能在一起 不容易，

已经选定的人就不要随便放手！

世界上的好人数不清，但遇到你就已经足够！

即使你不 是最好的，

甚至不是最适合我的，但却是我最珍惜的！

缺点可以改正，性格可以磨合，

但机会失去 了就再也没有了！

有人说：爱，是一种责任！

现在我才明白，原来责任，就是一辈子！

现在想想为 什么那么多在激情之后变平淡了的感情能一步步坚持到了最

后！

除了已经习惯，爱到深处之外！

应该还有两个人的 互相搀扶，不离不弃！

除了你 ， 我谁也不要…

但是这一切的一切....你又知道否？

你什么都不懂....

我累了。。。

如果一个男人真的爱你...

如果一个男人真的爱你，他不会冷落你超过三天，因为想念你的日子很难度过

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会给你一个甜蜜的称呼，只属于他一个人喊的称呼 ，即使你有时不喜欢，但这也是爱你的一种！

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会把你当孩子般宠爱，但是自己又说不出宠你的原因~

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会让你开心快乐，不会带给眼泪

如果一个男人真的爱你，他的手机会24小时为你开机，随时随地让你能够找到他

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会觉得你是最好的，不会将你和其他女人做比较，即便你并不优秀

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会抽出时间来陪你，即使自己真的很忙，因为他看不见你会很想你

如果一个男人真的爱你，他不会要求你减肥，因为他会把你的身体健康看作第一位

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会很想和你生活在一起，会把你看成是生命中最重要的

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会经常紧紧地抱着你，让你感受他的心跳

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会在你睡着的时候轻轻吻你，因为你是他的天使

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会给你买你喜欢的东西，并且很高兴陪你逛街

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会默默地为你付出一切，但很少让你知道他所做的牺牲

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会看你吃饭的时候傻笑，然后把好吃都留给你吃，那怕他只喝 汤，心里也会很高兴。

如果一个男人爱你，他会不厌其烦提醒你吃饭，穿衣服，听你烦了，他还是要提醒你，因为你生病就是对他最大的伤害。

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会记住你说的每句话，哪怕是一句小玩笑，他也会放心里。然后努力改变自己的生活习惯。

如果一个男人真的爱你，他会只对你一个人好，虽然他身边的朋友说他重色轻友，但是如果他朋友出事，他也会像担心你一样担心他们。所

以不要说他不够义气。

如果一人男人真的爱你，在你过马路的时候会紧张的拉着你的手，怕你横冲直撞出什么事，所以你不要甩开他的手。

如果一个男人真的爱你，他的手机里都是关于你的东西，想你的时候会对着手机傻笑，回忆美好的幸福！！

新年～聚会～情人节～生日～云顶～

呵呵～开心地说～这个月总共去了云顶三次，天啊，云顶的工作人员都开始觉得我很烦了。。哈哈哈～

新年去一次，gathering和朋友去了一次，情人节跟了几个好朋友去～

还撞见我的colleague Liz和她的男朋友Lucas~呵呵～

本来不是很开心的日子，还好有你们的陪伴哦～

要谢谢Steven的Starbuck chocolate chip和hot chocolate～

我第一次喝starbuck呢～开心到～～

谢谢Yee Shan的姐姐让一间房间出来我们才不需要留宿街头～

还有要恭喜Jeffred～HappyBday~没想到你的生日是在这一天哦～没有准备什么大礼～抱歉咯～

偷偷溜进casino～还有半夜和steven乱乱跑来跑去看 P～呵呵呵呵～三八到要死～～

刚刚咳嗽，才发现到，妈的，喉咙好像不su hu~然后呢痰有血丝～sigh～

脚呢，那个膝盖（老毛病）好像因为下雨 风湿！！@@sigh～老了～呵呵呵

anyway～感谢你们～所有的一切哦～爱你们～～